Today was one of those days, when you think you’ve had enough…It is so weird, I can’t even explain it to myself – guess, that is not good at all 🙂 Do you also have that feeling like you are invisible to others? You don’t get noticed when you try to order juice or water at the bar, you are not heard when you speak up trying to participate in the conversation…you simply feel like an invisible…
Somehow, it happens to me very often, I dont get noticed or heard. Especially, during business discussions when am even sitting in the same room with others, but I have to almost shout to be finally heard, and then best part comes: they look at you and ask: why are you shouting at us? or why are you angry? Am not angry, am just trying to tell you something that might significantly change the whole discussion now, but you do not listen to me…I don’t know how it works and why it happens to me but it started to annoy me…But I wanted to share something else here…how am fighting to get into a healthy work-life balance…
Today was one of those days when I finally (thanks God…better sooner than later) realized that I couldn’t go on like this for a minute longer. I cannot work 14-16 hrs a day and still feel like I haven’t progressed an inch. Or I still do not have anything meaningful to show as delivered. All this enormous work, uncontrollable chaos around, multi priorities where at the end you are not sure what’s ultimately expected, lack of clarity and no one really knows what to do, has to come into an end immediately. Otherwise, I will go nuts. Am serious.
I am aware that huge amount of work, has an impact on my mind, my moods, my health and my daily relations with the beloved ones. I get easily emotional, annoyed, angry and I burst with emotions and tears way too quickly…A few months back, I was not like that…now I am and I just realized, it is my very last moment to stop that craziness around and inside me, so I did.
I finally brought my belated New Year’s resolution into an action: get my life back, get right and healthy work-life balance and stop trying to be Miss Perfect at work, as I will never be….especially with my new Boss…who thinks that am a loser…because I do not have zillion years of experience in Data & Analytics and my fast learning skills, growth mindset, over 25 years in technology don’t seem to matter here. I must say, I cannot wait to my mid-year performance assessment….am sure it will suck and won’t make me happy…so at least today and going forward, I will be at peace with myself.
So far two days past and I have been very succesful on executing my work-life balance. I do work honest 8-9 hrs and this is it…if I do not manage to finish all I wanted…no problem, will finish tomorrow, if time allows and if am not stuck on entire day back to back calls. Seriously, it has been only a small change in the way how I think, but like a miracle headache is gone, that chase of thoughts and emotions gone and I feel calm inside me. I love that state. Now am sitting in front of my computer, writing these words but it brings me joy and pleasure to share how I feel. Am listening to nice relaxing sounds of a rain forest and I feel like am in a relaxed state. I start liking myself again.
Wait for more to come 😉 Hope you enjoyed!
IT & She 
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